If only she had...

An engineering college...

Second year...

It was the time for all these transfer and lateral entry candidates to get in. It was mid-july, and it was talk of the class-room about a girl, who would join them, later the next month. Lateral entry boys and girls came. Being new to the flock, they were enjoying this a little less. They were, not like the general lateral entry students. Each were interested in many different things, but none was studious and technically strong.

One was interested in making friends and hang out with them. One was a girl and was interested in films. She would never miss a single film of “Vijay', which released at a rate of four in a year. And the other guy was very interested in reading and understanding about sex. He used to read a lot, comment and even teach guys poor in 'that' knowledge. Eventually, the latter was named 'vatsyayan'- the man who wrote 'Kama Sutra'.

But, the girl who will come on transfer, was getting more attention than anyone who had already come.

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“It is because of two reasons. 1)many girls in our class are 'not-so-good' type- as far as visibly concerned 2) The few who came in the 'beauty' quota, would not open their mouth, in the fear of being loved”, said Govind, the Class Executive. He was the leader of the think tank for 'such' situations. He always had a text book way of answering and was to the point.

“But our guys keep talking to them. It never concerns them, if they are one among 'many' or one among 'few'”, replied the official comedian, seriously.

“The seriousness would be due to: 1)unavailability of girlfriends or 2)his already close friend not talking to him” thought the head of the 'think tank'. He even thought in a textbook fashion. “Have you seen anyone talking in public? Take our classroom. Everyone knows our guy Thirunavukkarasu talks to Aswathi over phone for hours. But have you ever seen them talk in person?” The head made everyone think.

Viswa called back the silence.

“It all depends on their mind. 'Heart' is the most important thing. Its very important that the people who talk, understand each other. Understanding...” as he pulled it longer, the only other person, who had been silent, started to speak.

“i'm going to give an attempt. Love is blind. Let it be even all those 'negative to senses' thing. A try... If it doesn't work, i don't worry...” Prem delivered his speech with a smile.

“If it did???” Govind, the executive spoke. If it was someone else, it was no worry for Prem. It now came from the best thinker.

The door was not locked. Vatsyayan entered the door, pushing it hard with his left hand. His right hand's middle finger was in the centre hole of a DVD. “How to ...”, as Vatsyayan continued, all except Prem turned to him.

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Their excursion in second year was in the month of August. Prem's first plan sank in mid-sea. He had to wait. News spread that she was from 'Neyveli'. The couple of boys, also stood in race with Prem. They even boasted about the beauty of girls in their district. It made Prem even more enthusiastic. Prem was adamant. He grew more romantic, senseless, shameless and courageous. He wanted her love. He was waiting all day for her arrival.

Days went by... August was coming to an end...

Finally, August came to an end...

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It was september.An engineering mathematics class.

“Application of partial differential equation, finds place in...”

“May i get in sir?”

“You are too early for the next class. ...In temperature determination, curve fitting and...”

“Sir, I'm a new student to this class” Prem was the firs to look at her. “Sorry sir. Had a small difficuilty in finding out this class room”

She was wearing a chudithar, a green and yellow with the same coloured shawl. Her hair was single plaited, clearly combing it from front to back. She was of the correct size for a twenty year old woman- not thin and not fat- was fair and she found her spot in the fouth bench. There was only a walk gap between Prem and ...

“Whats your name? Introduce yourself to the class”, said the professor, not revealing his liking to know the girls name.

“I'm Ishwaryaa. I'm from Neyveli. Did my Higher Secondary in Cluny, a famous school in the township. I was born in Kerala. Brought up in Neyveli. My dad is an Engineer in the NLC”

Her english was great. Prem felt like she sung. He was happy that, he had already fallen in love with a very beautiful and smart lady. Now it was all about expressing his love.

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Something hit him. It took some time to realise he was dreaming. It was the smallest broken piece of chalk in the hands of the professor.

“...curve fitting and... curve fitting and...” he repeated it as 'Joker' tells to 'Gambol' an 'The dark knight' and stared at Prem.

Someone came to rescue. Prem didn't bother. He was happy about the disturbance.

“May i get in Sir?” Prem got time to look at his saviour. A girl.

“You are too early for the next class” Professor turned to Prem. He put his head down.

“Sir, I'm the new student to this class. Had difficuilty in finding this room. I'm a day-scholar. I reached here...”

“Thats enough. Get in... Introduce yourself” Prem was startled with all the world's shock in his eyes. It was not a song, it was not a green and yellow chudidhar. It was a miniature model of, of... He couldn't even tell an animal for reference. Prem had no words. He no more cared for the introduction.

Finally he got the simile. The “Unknown animal”, with the tortoise shell glass and hell a lot of pimples on her face, that were not visible for her dark colour had spoiled his two months of imagination.

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Days went by...

Govind's words were ringing in his mind... “If it did???” and it did... Saddest part for Prem was what Viswa told him. “Even dark girls have heart. Try to understand her feelings, buddy. All cannot be Aiswarya Raai. Some have to live with Ishwaryaas too”

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Days went by...

With Prem's abnormal behaviour, Ishwaryaa left him. She no more talked to him. She never asked him why!!!

If only she had...

And then, she cried

Standing on the balcony of his house and staring at NH 45 was Prathap. He had completed his college and was awaiting his call letter. It had ended yesterday; waiting started yesterday. His reason behind this waiting was something really a reason. He no more missed anyone; forgot promises; cried a lot for missing his college. He was practical enough, not to cry for people who would be with him till the end. He didn't believe in anyone's promise. He had no one to live for, now and here on.

His home, this balcony where he stood, to watch 100s of buses and motor vehicles moving, polluting the air behind them, was the only thing on crust for him. His parents always talked against his will and he didn't like them. They told it was for his good. But he didn't feel so.

“Anu, (that was how Prathap Anirudh was called at home) come, lets go there”

“Lets be here. I dont want to come with you. I know where you are going...”

But protests only led to tears. The waterpower sometimes took Prathap's heart off and at times it was a voice of power. He had no other go but go and obey. From simple things to life deciding factors, it was this way.

“I want to read B.A. Journalism”

“u've got 93%...”

“93.8%” corrected his mom.

“Ya. And you want to do B.A. Are you a fool??? Apply for B.E. Counselling”

“I want to be writer...”

“you can become a writer, even after B.E. But, B.A.can never give you engineering knowledge”

“Thats the curse of the country now. Engineering... You can study four years and serve as anything in this country. What a course of study? Foolish...”

“Thats enough. Get the application for B.E. Tomorrow, understood?” There was finality in the words.

He had joined a good engineering college in the state. But now his percentage was 77... 77.46 to be exact. But, all this wasn't his problem. Now he stood on the balcony, with tears filling in his eyes and 4 stories in mind without a climax for all four of them.

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It was her third year and with five semesters gone. It was the time for all these inter-college shining. It was then, this group of debaters and personnels strong in co-curriculars joined hands to form a team. She had seen Prathap in 100 places around the campus. He was quite a good cricket player and good at writing and quiz. He had a lot of certificates in all those inter-school cultural. But the way she saw and adored him did not exceed 5 minutes. Well, 500 minutes weren't enough.

His protruding adam's apple- well, three quarters of an inch out of his throat- and his laugh-not smile. Each time she had thought, “Why am i seeing a lot of him?”

Then one day, “Hi”, she was the first to speak...

“hi, whats your name?” There was a pause, as if he sounded he alredy knew her name.

“...” it had started... With exactly fourteen months to go between this day and their day of exit from college, she had got a great feeling from this friendship, that she could not from any of the past relationship.

She knew her limits, and kept her mind free from any worries. But, Prathap disturbed her, and when this group was formed, Prathap was disturbed by her. It was then she started to talk to a boy so young and cool. The other males she had talked to would not exced 10. A girls school and a college with zero interaction with staffs. She had no one to talk to and in this college, opposite gender interaction among people in the same class room was low.

Days went by and disturbance became, obviously, the happiness in friendship. They talked for hours and shared everything life gave them. Days went by...

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“will you marry me?” the pause after 'you' showed his love on her. That pause told her many things. Then he lied, “I don't love you. But, I'd like to live this life with you, grow old with you”

She stared in disbelief at his words.

“But... but, i never thought that way. I always looked into you as a good friend”

“If not today, then when? I don't know if i could see you hereafter. I had no feelings for you, got it just hours back. This separation, that will hurt”

“I like you Prathap...” If a 'but' was added after that, Prathap would have killed himself. But, he quickly took over.

“Now stop! I know that. I want to hold your hands forever. I want to be with you! I'm afraid of losing you”

“This happens to everyone of us. Sit down and think. What you tell can never happen. How do you think this could? My family...”

“Don't you love me?”

The sound had considerably gone down, and now a silence took over. She took over.

“Love? mm... It has more than one meaning in my lexican”

“Now, take it, the love that ends up in marriage. Do you love me?”

“No! I love you some other way. The love that lasts forever. I will not be able

to get it from a husband, Prathap”

“Now, I don't fear losing you. But, everytime when the quesion of life comes in front of me, its you in front of me, in the form of answer. I want to live it with, you as my wife”

“Prathap, understand. A life of tears and loneliness. Do you think all this will be adjustable and avoidable? Can you live alone in a house with only me beside for everything? Don't you want any one else?”

“You can't think this way even before it had started”

“I don't want it to start. Put a fullstop to it. I always longed for a friend like you. Caring and affectionate. But, do a little thinking. I'll be beside you as a good friend always, but never your wife”

“Have you got syphilis?!!”

Prathap sounded serious. He was hard at it. He walked away and she started sobbing; tears filled her eyes.

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16... 17... 18... she kept looking at her mobile. Now, the number of missed calls was 47... 48...increasing by 2 in a minute. She lay awake till 2, ”Why did i don't want him?” She slept off. 74 no answers and a long press of red button was all Prathap did.

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“The number you are trying to reach is currently switched off” She had tried the whole day. “Thats it”, she wept for an evening.

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